The past reared up its head tonight;
It ravaged the senses with feeling:
A virulent, corrosive blight
Of pain with no scope of healing.
I wish indifference could be bought,
At a moments notice, to soothe need;
I wish I could cordon off all thought
That reminds me of each bitter deed.
I laid with love and, oh, how I have paid!
The gamut of tears so ready to fall,
There is no hope in a world enslaved
By hope itself – there is none at all.
It feels like rape, violate and complete,
Love thrust through time with smiles and glances,
It reminded me of loss and deceit
And stays now to rob me of peaceful chances.
Do I have something left to give him? I’m loss!
I thought through love, my life would account for much.
But no one can see how I hang on the cross;
There is no god who I can reach out and clutch.
There’s no salvation I can look forward to,
There are no soft arms to bring my body down,
There is but love, who is rocking fro and to,
And I can’t see if he wears a smile or a frown.
He will climb atop my crucified self again,
I’ll writhe and I’ll moan; but it is useless to scream;
What of the assault and what of the burning pain?
This was but the logical end to my own dream.