Organ

I‘ve heard it can love, again and again,
And nothing can detract from its vigour,
No matter the crush of failure and pain,
Or of the stress of life or its rigour.

I have heard (now know) of its strength unmeasured,
As it makes heroes rise and empires fall;
It can single you out to be untreasured;
Yet ables you to stand against it all.

It teaches you just to feel and not learn,
It gives you your self, yet takes you away,
It makes you happy and it makes you yearn,
It stays with you when it leads you astray.

Even when word and thought are unspoken
It hums its song even when it lies broken.

Advertisements

Saving

I couldn’t save myself,
I couldn’t even try,
When all suns turned dark
All the waters ran dry.

There were no bird songs,
Or angels on clouds;
Just a press of fury,
In sexual crowds.

I tried hard to dance
To help with the pain,
Of not fitting in,
Of braving the disdain.

I tried many things;
Each different from the past;
I tried saving each,
I tried to make them last.

But, you see, I am jaded,
And I know Hope as a liar,
I know the lampoons of Fate,
I know Ambition’s mire.

I can’t weep anymore:
Age has taken all my tears;
But I wish it had left me one
And taken instead my fears.

I know people are cruel,
For I am people, too,
And Gadgets have not helped,
After Nature laughed and withdrew.

I can’t save myself now,
It is too late to try
And why even bother, I ask,
When it all has to die?

Faith

Faith moves mountains,
They say.

Faith moved me
To be a disbeliever.

Don’t get me wrong.
I wish I could kneel
And look up and say,
I know you have my back;
I could say,
Oh, you know best;
There will be something better,
That there is
A larger plan.

But my children died.
And all I asked was for less suffering.
A little lesser than the last.
Until with the last there was nothing left.

I asked when I believed.
Now I know the blankness.
And the silence.

I’ve seen religion and ritual
Twist me into softness:
Into believing there is law,
There will be justice.
But
There isn’t.
There is silence and sacrifice.

So I choose to turn away
From a fait accompli.

I’m uncertain.
That makes me stronger.
Less kinder.
But if I have given up on
Divinity
Being kind is an anticlimax.