Eve

Carols croon soft in my ear this early morning,
Though as usual my heart does not wish to sing;
The noose of life has tightened and I need the knife,
Which I threw away to prevent preconceived strife.

How ironical that I should need that blade now!
My world and I are being swept in the thick flow
Of superficiality, progress and money –
A trapped, dying fly in a golden vat of honey!

So some friends threw me a rope to help me escape;
But it snagged on my neck and each pull felt like rape;
If I struggle a bit they think me ungrateful,
Though it is to my own self I’m being unfaithful!

I am caught either way and trust has long since died;
Old entreaties to God have also been denied;
So Jesus descends into the world on this day,
But I can’t hope, can’t sing, can’t rise, can’t sink, can’t pray.

8:45am
24th December

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Bargain

Your tears seemed like your only gift to me;
My smiles were what I gave you in return:
This bargain, where I lose all vanity,
Was what old bleeding hearts made my soul learn.
Your festering wounds I helped in cleaning;
Though not yet healed, I helped them start to;
All I asked was the share from your feeling,
Which now has changed the better part of you.
Now you have learned to smile without me near;
I taught you well; I brought you to your feet;
Now you shed me like you did your last tear;
Now there’s no reason for our souls to meet.
My heart bleeds for my soul learns to see:
Your gift was bringing my own tears to me.

19th September
6:00pm

Friend

Your tears seemed like your only gift to me;
My smiles were what I gave you in return:
This bargain, where I lose all vanity,
Was what old bleeding hearts made my soul learn.
Your festering wounds I helped in cleaning;
Though not yet healed, I helped them start to;
All I asked was the share from your feeling,
Which now has changed the better part of you.
Now you have learned to smile without me near;
I taught you well; I brought you to your feet;
Now you shed me like you did your last tear;
Now there’s no reason for our souls to meet.
My heart bleeds for my soul learns to see:
Your gift was bringing my own tears to me.