A Certain Sun

The morning gives me no solace:
It has come with heat and light
And I find myself asking
For the dark horns of the night.

Then I find love, soaked in desire,
Wrapped up in your arms and hair,
Smells of burgers and coffee,
Snarled sheets hiding all that’s bare.

The sun brings in the future,
The future has torn the heart,
Time sheds light on the knowledge,
That soon you and I must part.

Families, jobs, money wait;
The sun brings them all back in;
I fear what the world might say,
How you were lead in to sin.

The sun burns my exposed skin,
All hair shines like molten fire;
The sun just shows me the truth,
The stars just show me desire.

I could wait for the next moon:
Who knows just what I might get;
But memories of ones before
Depend on how soon you’ll forget.

The sun barges through the window.
I lean back and draw the curtain.
I note: it’s only his return
Of which I am fully certain.

This is not what I chose to feel

This is not what I choose to feel,

When all I did was hold you dear;

I’m now hurt with no hope to heal

And instead of love, I taste fear.

 

The days of happiness die fast,

The tangled moments have no respite,

What will, eventually, last

Is gathered pain, after each fight.

 

I find that I must cringe and rue

The pain of life, the loss of love,

Who must I relegate blame to:

A devil below, a god above?

 

But I walked with open eyes,

Thinking this is what should be done

To hold joy before it wilts and dies,

To gather flowers under the sun.

 

If the skies greyed and storms began,

What matter who merits the blame;

All that counts is I was my own man,

Who held to each rule of this game.

For a Presence in the Darkness of This Night.

I stumbled and fell
There seemed to be a light ahead
But I could not see clearly
I tried to rise but slipped instead
And fell. There was pain
And the darkness of it matched
The darkness all around me.
I had felt a presence
Some time ago
Which coaxed me to get up and move on
Oh! Wish it had stayed!
But I can’t feel it anymore
The light ahead –
Is it a light?
I cannot tell.
Is it what I want?
What if that light
Is darker than this hell?
How do I know?
Should I get up and move
And chance my luck on that light?
Or do I sit and wait
For a presence in the darkness of this night?

1:30am
9th October.

I Guess.

Waiting.

Haunting strains of a maulvi
Chanting from a minaret far;
The sun is about to shear
The silent light of a faraway star.

I wait for morning
And the stroke of destiny,
To see what verdict
It metes out for me.

There is this sullen fear,
Fettered in my veins,
And each stroke of time
Tears at its restrains.

These seconds fall,
One by one,
Those chains break,
One by one.

The one who loves me
Was dealt a severe blow;
But he grins and bears it;
Is it all that I must know?

The night leaps aside
For light to shimmer through,
Somewhere the air
Changes into cool dew;

And I lay silent in bed
But I’m shrinking inside;
And all I want to do
Is turn back the tide.

I guess I’m helpless,
Against the cards of fate;
And, in its matters,
It is not soon or late.

What happens here
Are matters of trial and test;
And whatever it may be,
It will be for the best.

6:00am
5th November.

Blood Red.

Rose petals in my mind,
Blood red, blood red,
I search but can’t find
My heart that fled.

The smell divinely sweet,
Assailed and said,
Your heart and you can ne’er meet,
It’s dead, it’s dead.