Faith

Faith moves mountains,
They say.

Faith moved me
To be a disbeliever.

Don’t get me wrong.
I wish I could kneel
And look up and say,
I know you have my back;
I could say,
Oh, you know best;
There will be something better,
That there is
A larger plan.

But my children died.
And all I asked was for less suffering.
A little lesser than the last.
Until with the last there was nothing left.

I asked when I believed.
Now I know the blankness.
And the silence.

I’ve seen religion and ritual
Twist me into softness:
Into believing there is law,
There will be justice.
But
There isn’t.
There is silence and sacrifice.

So I choose to turn away
From a fait accompli.

I’m uncertain.
That makes me stronger.
Less kinder.
But if I have given up on
Divinity
Being kind is an anticlimax.

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Sweetly

I close the windows
against the rising sun
and the heat invades the room.
It’s stifling and muggy,
clothes stick to my body,
like flies into honey.
I wish hope could
fetch the same stickiness
and cling,
hard and fast,
with a warmth
that is messy
and sweet.

I still seek
a father.
No matter how far
the hills have grown,
and how desolate
the past appears,
there is so much to climb,
without hope,
without support.

You do not know,
how age creeps up
on the alone,
if i could be
a father,
i would have known
how i should have been
loved.

But there is no honey
to call the flies to,
just a rising sun
that beats down the hills.
Sweetly.

A Fool’s Hope

Everything is right.
Everything seems fine.
Everything is love.
Everything has time.

The flowers will not die.
The food will not go bad.
The water will not dry.
The smile will not be sad.

This love is here to stay,
That is what lovers say,
There is no need to fear,
It’ll be here everyday.

Loneliness won’t occur,
For promises are made;
No one betrays hope here,
No memory shall fade.

I won’t be left alone,
That can’t ever be true;
You love me very much,
Much more than I do you.

Time can’t rage its battle;
Love cures all that pains;
Life has no mastery,
No one hears it’s complaints.

Losing you isn’t possible,
It’s never been so before;
No one leaves love’s house,
Once you’ve shut the door.

I worry needlessly:
Everyone holds me dear;
You most of all (I think)
Give me no cause to fear.